Level 2: Playing the Clown
(Warning: Philosophical tangents ahead!)

This is one of those songs that gets created in the quiet hours of the night when the world is sleeping. This is when you can hop on a train of manic energy and head non-stop towards hysterics. In these hazy hours, any hint of intentionality or reason in the moment later dissolves and becomes inexplicable.

I think of this piece as a jolly circus-like theme with something sinister lurking underneath that is never fully revealed... But don't let that stop of you from thinking of it as whatever other wrong idea you might have. I kid, I kid.

If I were writing about this piece at a university or in a grant proposal, I might switch over to the "Academic BS" dialect of English and say:
"The additive and subtractive layered voices that constitute the thematic material for this composition make for an experiment in interplay and density. The rhythmic and tonic simplicity of each individual theme juxtaposes the rhythmic and harmonic dissonance that arise and resolve from their interactions. This piece is at the same time minimalist and maximalist in conception."

Hey, wait a minute! Why the hell didn't I write a grant proposal for this album?! I've been toiling away at all hours of the day and night to assemble this work for nothing – not a cent. You people aren't going to give me any money for it, are you?! Why should you? You can hear it for free, and even if you couldn't, there's enough music in the world already. You don't need to waste your time and money on my petite-bourgeoisie experiments.

So why do I bother? I bother for the same narcissistic reason that you post something on your Facebook wall waiting for your so-called "friends" to "like" it - not that I will pretend I'm above that level of thinking at all. I want people to "like" my posts as much as the next person. Ultimately, we’re all just abandoned babies in grown-up bodies perpetually seeking love and affirmation from society.

The above trivializes my creative process to a point. The desire to be loved only explains my motivation to share my work with the world, not to create it in the first place. I created this music before I had any intention or plans for releasing it. I created it because playing with notes and sounds (and words and ideas) amuses me. It make me feel "productive" and gives me a sense of "purpose". As an added bonus, composition is better for the brain than TV or alcohol.

...words on the notion of purpose/meaning
Humans have the added luxury/burden over other animals in life of creating meaning in their existence. When we fail to create meaning we tend towards depression or suicide and lose the will to live. In our ability to create meaning, we have in our thoughts the creative potential of the universe. We have the added benefit of creating the "impossible" in our thoughts. Humanity's collective underestimation of our creative power of thought holds us back from reaching a greater potential in two significant ways:
1) It leads to defeat and resignation that what is must be. (ignorance of our active power to create in what could be)

2) It keeps us ignorant of the plethora of ways in which we constantly and already have chosen and created the sometimes arbitrary meanings that influence our daily existence. (ignorance of our passive power to create in what has been)

Despite our critical need to find and create meaning in our existence, it is my contention/belief that none exists outside of the one(s) asking the question. Existence is simultaneously the question and the answer. Existence begs the question of how and why. "Why and how is all that exists possible?" It is possible because it exists. I don't see this as depressing, either. I see it as liberating. It is our luxury to ask why and forever re-create the answer that makes us happiest. It is the tragedy of humanity that collectively - and many times individually - we forever re-create the answers that make us unhappy out of an inability escape the vicious psychological cycle of self-punishment that initially developed out of self-preservation.

Human consciousness (and maybe all consciousness) allows the fabric of the Universe to examine itself. Out of this self-reference, paradox is born along with all of the other angels and demons of the human psyche.


"What one believes to be true, either is true or becomes true in one's mind, within limits to be determined experimentally and experientially. These limits [themselves] are beliefs to be transcended. "
~ John C. Lily